Disneyland Diary

Many of you know, or at least have heard me say before, that I regularly read a sports columnist named Bill Simmons. He is an awesome writer that mixes current sporting events in with pop culture. One of his common writing themes is to do what he calls a retro diary. In other words, he writes about an event as if he were there, using time stamps. I am going to steal his diary idea as I talk about our latest Disneyland adventure (except I really was there). If you are interested in reading Bill Simmons, you can find his articles here: Bill Simmons. If you clicked the link, welcome back. If not, thanks for staying. Here is my Disney Diary. PS- this may get long.

7: 58 a.m.- Crashing through the Disneyland gates for the first time in 10 months (a long time for us). Like every other time we go through the turnstiles that lead to the happiest place on earth, our kids without fail have to grab a map. For some reason this always irritates me. For one- my kids know their way around the park as good as Mickey himself. Why do they insist on grabbing maps? For two- once the maps are in hand, they open them up and look at them while we walk, causing much more of a delay than is necessary and also causing them to bump into people unnecessarily.

8:08 a.m.- We board Pirates. Pirates seems to always be our first ride. I have already run to Splash Mountain to get fast passes by this point as well. Oh Crap. I just gave away a Disney Secret.

9:43 a.m.- As we ride Pinocchio's Daring Journey, I can't help but draw a parallel to Anakin Skywalker and his decision making process. Pinocchio made many bad choices that got him a long nose, turned him into a Donkey, and swallowed by a whale. Geppetto was persistent and did all he could to rescue Pinocchio, and in the end Pinocchio got to be a real boy. As I watch Star Wars Episode 3, I find myself wishing Anakin would make just one good choice and turn away from becoming Darth Vader. Of course, this would have ruined episodes 4, 5, and 6 and ultimately the greatest trilogy of all time. Despite Obi Wan's endless care and hope that Anakin was the chosen one, he became Darth Vader. Jiminy Cricket, therefore, has more power than a Jedi Knight. These are the ways of my thoughts in the magical place.

11:02 a.m.- While waiting for Rebecca and the kids to ride Grizzly River Run, I bumped into a friend from way back: Julie Palmer. Friends from my USU era may remember her. She is as big a Disney nut as I am, and I have often mused that I had never "bumped" into her in all the times I have gone and knowing that she goes a lot as well. Disneyland seems to be a sort of mini reunion place. I always see someone that I know, not counting Mickey Mouse, Ariel, or Jasmine. Once I thought I saw Pat Morita, read on.

11:08 a.m.- Rebecca and the kids get off the rapids ride and Rebecca yells at me because she is soaked to the core, and somehow this is my fault because I convinced her to ride the ride. As we walked to the next ride I saw a man I swear was Pat Morita reincarnated. I followed him long enough to be considered a stalker, just to make sure his death was not a hoax. I still think he is living on an island with Elvis and Jim Morrison. Speaking of Pat Morita, I have mixed feelings about the Karate Kid remake. Why should a classic, complete, almost perfect movie be remade? Then again, why shouldn't it? See the inner-struggle?

1:33 p.m.- Waiting for our lunch to arrive at the Carnation Cafe. A first for us, eating at the Carnation Cafe anyway. Apparently the chef, Oscar, is well known among the regulars at Carnation Cafe. Oscar the Chef then comes over and talks to us for about 15 minutes. Asking us very poignant questions about where we are from and how we like Disneyland. Eli turns into a social butterfly and talks Oscar the Chef's ear off, causing Oscar the Chef to look for an escape route. Oscar the Chef was a very nice guy, it is easy to see why he is well known, but I couldn't help but wonder who does the cooking while Oscar the Chef galavants around with the paying customers? Side note again- the 'Oscar Philly Sandwich' was among the best I have had. Also, the banana split was delicious. And huge.

2:49 p.m.- Riding the Disneyland railroad around the park for a break. Eli and Tierra just had a huge fight accompanied with a tantrum or two and I find myself wondering why I bring the kids with me to Disneyland. I also try the "there is no fighting/crying/screaming/yelling/anger in Disneyland" speech to no avail and to the point that I am also yelling in anger.

2:51 p.m.- We threaten the kids that we will leave 'right this minute' if they don't start behaving. It works for most of the rest of the trip. Coupled with several instances of bribery and churros (yes those are two different things.)

4:37 p.m.- Head over to Tomorrow land to ride Space Mountain, but Space Mountain is temporarily closed. I hang out for a few minutes while the rest of the family goes to ride "Star Tours." While I hang out near the ride entrance I am amused at the endless flow of people that try to use their wit and status in life to convince the Disney gate keepers to give them more information, or a secret tip as to just when the ride will re-open. Guaranteed the teenage Disney employees have three memorized lines they use when they have to close a ride for an undisclosed amount of time on a busy summer day, but 97 percent of the guests do not understand this. I laugh to myself for several minutes. It really was entertaining. I could have done it a lot longer than I did, but they re-opened the ride.

6:02 p.m- We spot Goofy and decide to go get in the line to see him. Usually Disneyland is very organized with character meet and greets, forming a line and announcing when the time is up and so on. For this Goofy line however, they were not on the ball. We started to form a line like good Disney visitors, but a group of people decided to do their own thing and make a different line, and the character host decided to use the other line-I know right?! So we were left standing in a line that wasn't a line and with no time to see Goofy. Jerks.

6:58 p.m- If you are not familiar with Disneyland's wheelchair policy, you should read up on that before reading this next part. I like what Disney does for those guests that use wheelchairs. I hate what guests do to take advantage of what Disney does for the guests that use wheelchairs. So I am sitting outside of Splash Mountain waiting for Rebecca and the kids. A very old lady in a wheelchair wheels up being pushed by her two late teen/early twenties kids. The lady hops out of the wheelchair, hobbles over to a bench near me, and one of her kids hops into the wheelchair while the other pushes her to ride Splash. I get so irritated. If Walt were still alive and witnessed such behavior he would surely have banished them to the Disney prisons and they would have spent a very long time trying to convince the dog with the key to get close enough to the cell so they could grab the keys and let themselves out.

7:21 p.m.- While walking around Adventureland Tierra says: "Dad, you know those little people that are adults but little? Well, I just saw one that looked like you." Everyone but me finds this really funny.

8:27 p.m.- We became instant celebrities in China. After eating some funnel cakes, a Chinese man came up to us and in broken English asks if he can take photos of us and our children. He also says several times that he came from China. So, we pose for pictures with him, then his wife, then his friend, then his friends wife. It was very weird to be honest. Just as I think we are done, I look over and the two women had grabbed Tierra and the guy was taking pictures of them with her. So like I said, we are either celebrities in China, or this was some weird identity theft operation.

9:39 p.m.- Disneyland fireworks. Awesome as always. They have fireworks that explode into mouse ears. How do they do that? Amazing. One of these times they will have fireworks that explode into the words, "Welcome Simons Family", either that or "Eat at Joe's." I am not sure which will be first.

11:24 p.m- Trying our best to make it 36 more minutes, but the kids are wiped out and falling asleep as we walk. One last ride on Pirates, one last scare in Haunted Mansion, then we are back out the turnstiles counting down the days until we get to go back. 65 days from today, if you are wondering. (Yes Tierra is in the last picture too, just hanging off the side of the firetruck and hard to see.)